July 6, in the morning
My angel, my all, my very self - Only a few words today and
at that in pencil (yours) - I shan't be certain of my rooms here until tomorrow -
what an unnecessary waste of time is all this - Why this deep sorrow when necessity
speaks - can our love endure without sacrifices, by not demanding everything from
one another; can you alter the fact that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly yours
- Oh God, look at nature in all her beauty and calm your heart with that which must
be - Love demands all and rightly so - thus it is for me with you, for you with me
- But you forget so easily that I must live for me and for you; if we were wholly
united you would feel this pain as little as I do - My journey was a dreadful one
and I did not reach here until 4 o'clock yesterday morning. As there were few horses
the mail coach chose another route, but what an awful one; at the stage before the
last I was warned not to travel at night; attempts were made to frighten me about
a forest, but that only tempted me to proceed - and I was in the wrong. The coach
broke down of course on the wretched road, no more than a country track. Without
those two postilions I had with me I should have been stranded on the way - Esterhazy,
who took the normal road here, met the same fate with eight horses that I had with
four - Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome
difficulties - Now let me turn quickly from outer to internal experiences. No doubt
we shall meet soon; and today also time prevents me from sharing with you the thoughts
I have had during these last few days about my life - If our hearts were always closely
united, I would entertain no such thoughts. My heart is full of so many things to
tell you - oh - there are moments when I feel that speech is quite inadequate - Be
cheerful - remain my faithful, one and only treasure, my all as I am yours. The gods
must send us the rest, what for us must and shall be -
Your faithful LUDWIG
Evening,
Monday, July 6
You are suffering, you, my most precious one - I have noticed this
very moment that letters must be posted very early on Monday - or on Thursday - the
only days when the mail-coach goes from here to K. - You are suffering - Oh, where
I am, you are with me - I will see to it that you and I, that I can live with you.
What a life!!!! as it is now!!!! without you - pursued by the kindness of people
here and there, a kindness that I think - that I wish to deserve just as little as
I deserve it - man's homage to man - that pains me - and when I consider myself in
the setting of the universe, what am I and what is that man - whom one calls the
greatest of men - and yet - on the other hand therein lies the divine element in
man - I weep when I consider that you will probably not receive the first news of
me until Saturday - However much you love me - my love for you is even greater -
But do not ever conceal yourself from me - good night - As I am taking the baths
I must go to sleep - Dear God - so near! so far! Is not our love truly founded in
heaven - and what is more, as strongly cemented as the firmament of heaven? -
Good
morning, on July 7
Even though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal
Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate
will hear our prayer - To face life I must live altogether with you or never see
you - Yes, I am resolved to be a wanderer abroad until I can fly to your arms and
say that I have found my true home, and enfolded in your arms can let my soul be
wafted to the realm of blessed spirits - alas, unhappily it must be so - You will
become composed, the more so as you know that I am faithful to you; No one else can
ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be separated from her
who is so dear. Yet my life in V at present is a miserable life - Your love has made
me the happiest and the unhappiest of mortals - At my age I need stability and regularity
in my life - can that coexist with our relationship? - Angel, I have just heard that
the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive
the letter at once - Be calm; for only by calm consideration of our lives can we
achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - Today - yesterday - what
tearful longing for you - for you - you - my life - my all - all good wishes to you.
Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your lover.
ever
yours
ever mine
ever ours
L.
